There are a lot of philosophies out there that acknowledge the power of forgiveness. I'm pretty sure that in any close relationship--family, romantic, friendship--you WILL eventually have a misunderstanding that results in emotional pain for one or both of the people involved. It's just unavoidable--as much as we TRY to consider another's feelings, we are limited by our own perspectives--by the stories we tell ourselves about a situation. What I see as truth may not be what YOU see as truth. And we will disagree, and we will hurt each other. Sometimes what starts as a simple misunderstanding becomes far more.
I've had a few situations in my life where the selfishness of another has hurt me deeply. While these situations have been few and far between, they have made a deep impact on the way I view the world. Yes, I have a right to feel angry when someone has hurt me, but do I want to hold onto that? I've found that holding anger in my heart hurts me more than it could possibly hurt anyone else. I don't want to base my actions on negative emotions like anger, fear or guilt.
I have hurt people I truly care about with my own selfishness. The knowledge that I've caused someone I love to suffer is worse than anything anyone else can put me through. Letting go of that guilt & forgiving myself is far more difficult than forgiving someone else.
No matter how severe the offense, no matter how deep the hurt, we all reach a moment where hanging onto that anger or guilt is a choice. We can choose communication and understanding over selfishness and pride. We can choose forgiveness.
How do you define forgiveness? Is it just releasing the negative feelings associated with the incident? How do you do this? (I have yet to figure out how to force myself to feel a certain way.) If the issue ended the relationship, do you need to pursue a reconnection in order to forgive?
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely not talking about forcing yourself to feel anything. I think anger and hurt are the first reaction to lots of things, but what I find is that as time goes on, emphasis I put on these feelings starts to become a choice. Do I want to continue to focus on them, replaying the hurt over and over so that I can hold onto it? Or do I want to move past that? I think we can all choose to let go at some point. Or it's a friend with or a family member, taking a deep breath and engaging in a conversation can really work wonders. It's amazing how many people don't actually KNOW that what they've been saying or doing it hurtful to you. Personally, I don't feel the need to reconnect with a person who is no longer in my life to forgive them. For me, it's more about the internal experience of forgiveness.
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